Questions are the Answer

For many Quiet Leaders, small-talk is one of our biggest nightmares. Trying to think on our feet and having surface level chatter, particularly with people we don’t know so well is one of the most painful things we can imagine. Accordingly, we tend to avoid it. This can lead to missed opportunities to build relationships, creates awkwardness and can even cause others to think we are aloof or rude.

However, with a couple of small tweaks in approach we can become masters at this game, building trust, being well liked and best of all, making others feel great.

This may seem hard to imagine, but as introverts, many of us already have a superpower at our disposal. The art of asking questions…

Most people prefer to talk, more than listen. Especially talking about themselves. So, get them talking!

In networking situations, we can feel that we need to come across as interesting. This can be really hard work, creates a lot of anxiety and can come across as inauthentic. People can see through someone who is trying too hard to be clever and we are likely to end up hating ourselves in the process.

Instead, we can play to our listening strengths and natural people skills. Ask questions, then listen. Keep it natural, we are not CIA interrogators. Just be conversational, smile, nod and be genuinely interested. A great trick is to enter a networking event with 3 questions in mind. Introduce yourself, ask the questions, listen, move on.

The same can be applied in a 1:1 with your boss, in meetings, with a stranger at the coffee shop. Try it out, build our question asking muscle and you will see how simple and effective it can be.

This can also be a great way to reduce anxiety prior to and during social interactions. Stop thinking about you, be curious about the other person. Stop thinking about what you are going to say next. Stop stressing about how to impress. Keep it simple, ask open questions, then listen. Learn to be interested, not to be interesting.

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